Is this really it, what relationships are destined to be? A mind game played until you find a guy (or girl) that IS into you and you can have you possible "happily ever after"? Even when you do get a guy, he could still end up marrying you even though he doesn't love you? What? Are people so confounded by their emotions that they force themselves to believe they are happy, even though they aren't? Is this what humanity is in for, with only a certain few finding their "soulmate" while everyone else is still second guessing everything, paranoid that that they are settling or- even worse- clueless to the fact that they ARE setteling because there's no one else around. Getting married, having children, and ten years down the road realising that hmm... maybe it was a mistake. I'm happy for the ones that work, but even in working, is it really working? How can you be sure?
This is, of course, steming from the movie of the above title. I just didn't realise how ridiculous, absurd, and yet somewhat true to form that the movie was. This is the 21st Century where it is no longer a sign of disgrace to be divorced. Hell, divorcees are almost wearing it like a badge of pride and holding as a fact of life. But over, and over, and over, I keep hearing the same thing: "You're smart for holding out, for waiting for the right person" etc. The problem is, without your so-called "mistake", a lot of people wouldn't be alive right now. Hell, I know I wouldn't be. The point is, really, society expects people to be in relationships. It's almost seemed as 'pathetic' if a woman is single - look at Sex in the City. So here is this pressure, the need to find someone, get married, and have the picket-fence life... but if you grab whoever comes along, this fantasy will be destroyed in a matter of a couple months or years. It's not happiness. It's the false belief, the charade that being in a relationship or getting married will make people happy.
No, it won't.
What will make people happy is, two things:
1. By some LUCKY chance, that person is THE person for you and you KNOW you love them unconditionally.
2. THAT very same person has to love you back the EXACT same way, unconditionally, can't live without you, etc. etc.
If these two requirements aren't completely met, the whole situation is fucked up. It'll last for a while and flounder. These people will still be married, but they sure as hell won't be in love. And it could be the one person, or the other. And people expect everyone to be in a relationship???
The hell??? Think of the odds of that. Think how likely it is to find a person like that, that fits perfectly? I'm not a mathmatician, but that is one hell of a gamble. And we're expected to do all of this by the time we're thirty? Bullshit!
So for you single people out there, please know this: it's okay that you are single, it really is, because you are open to looking around and choosing the "right one". Who knows if people who are in relationships are going to last? Who knows if they have/haven't met those two criteria? At least single people can keep an open mind about it. And don't let people make you feel bad, don't let this holiday make you feel bad, because really you don't have to worry about the other person just not loving you the way you love them.
I just hope, at some point, everyone gets their REAL happily-ever-after, without being pushed into it by pressures from the outside, or the fact that they feel inferior if they aren't in a relationship, or that they feel they should be in one so they grab the next person that comes along.
Just, enjoy life as it comes and goes, don't worry about anything else- especially not some tripe and rant coming from a random chick flick.
2012 End of the Year Writing Wrap Up
13 years ago
4 comments:
I don't know if I agree with those two conditions lol! I haven't seen the movie so I don't know if those are from there or not. But I don't think that marriage or love is about finding that ONE person in the world who is perfect for you and then life is happy forever. First off, no one is an "exact match". We are all shaped by our unique personalities, experiences, and history. Since no one is the same, there will always be differences to work through. Secondly, the word love means totally different things for different people and different couples. I agree that societal expections are this are absurd, which means no one outside the couple (or individual) can judge their love for the other person, and no one should. Thirdly (Lastly? Finally?) I don't think divorce is because people just 'fall out of love' as so much of society suggests. I think it's because people expect things to be too easy these days. They go to university and then expect to get a great job; they don't realize they are gonna have to work at crappy, bottom of the ladder jobs and work their way up to the fantastic job they love. They expect to make tons of money and buy a house; but as current economic difficulties are showing, they are not prepared for the costs of the house, for the bills and the mortgage, and the responsibilities. And in marriage, they expext to have the beautiful day and then don't realize that loving a person enough to marry them means you work at your relationship every minute, of every day, for the rest of your life. Relationships don't just "happen", you have to work at them. It's about communication, and compromise, and giving up things that are important to you because your partner can't stand them/doesn't want them/can't afford them, etc. Marriage is about LIVING your vows, not just saying them once and forgetting them....Many of the people who get divorced (not all, obviously) are people who may have found the right person, but didn't work at staying the right person. None of us will be the same person in 30 years that we are today, that doesnt mean a marriage is definately gonna fail, it means that we need to work on taking the journey together as a couple so that we are on the same page at the end of it.
With all that being said (sorry this is so long, can you tell I have thought about this before?). You are totally right that there is no reason not to take your time. That pressure to be in a relationship or married by 30 is absurd. And that Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday designed to make couples spend money and single people feel crappy. I hate this holiday and I am IN a relationship. All of your points about having fun and not feeling pressured are so right!
Anyways hun, I miss you! Sorry for the long rant lol!
Megs
Megs, a lot of your points I agree with... I'm basically poking fun at this movie and it's message that even though you THINK you might be happy in a relationship, the other person might not be and it will end in divorce... it's the whole "being into you" concept and showing how it happens (or, most likely how it doesn't happen) etc.
As for divorce, all the divorcees I know kept saying that they married out of convenience, not love - they had all broken up with the person at least twice before, and the marriages came out of a sense of urgency, not the actual "I want to spend the rest of my life with you"... the trick is, they didn't know it at the time, or at least they weren't honest with themselves.
Basically, go see the movie and you'll see where this rant came from. I am not saying there is ONE person, I have never said that and have never believed that. What I'm saying is that the people that ARE compatable have one hell of a time finding each other, getting past any other obsticles, and then finally understanding that yes, they do love this person unconditionally and neither side is second guessing.
It's quite the feat. lol :)
Fair enough. I refuse to go see the movie for EXACTLY the reasons you pointed out lol! And I completely agree that there are tons of obstacles in life that prevent us from getting what we want...in everything. Love, jobs, family, etc.
...I miss these debates with you! You need to come home!
Megs
I want to, and will soon-ish. lol, I'm second-guessing the teaching thing at my age right now, and possibly going back to school to get my honours and then upgrade to be able to teach the smaller kids. I like junior classes better than seniors... because right now I LOOK like the seniors. lol
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