The Good and the Bad

It's been awhile since I updated this thing so I believe it's about time. My life has come down to nothing more than working and doing nothing. It's a pretty sad state if you ask me, it's just with the lack of being able to spend I don't get to do things I want to do. Or rather, what I've always done in my free time, I just don't feel like doing now. Watching movies (I get to rent for free now) and writing just... I can't... they aren't as special as they once were. They are no longer a break.

I think it has to do with the fact that this is purely waiting time. I am waiting for New Zealand. I am waiting to organize and set things in motion. I am waiting for SOMETHING to happen because right now things are at a stand still and honestly? It's frustrating. I was offered to be promoted at work after less than three months there, yet I can't do it because the training would take long than the time I have to be there. It wouldn't be worth it. It's like being frozen, in limbo, not being able to progress in life and it sucks. I almost wish I was going beack to school in September... almost.

I've taken up running again. Fourty-five minutes a day. I'm on the old diet again, but I'm allowing for some provisions. I think the running will get me on track as to what I want to accomplish in the next few months (like learning French) but... I don't want to just succumb to having that. I don't want my life to become work, run, sleep. It's boring, it's predictable, it's too old...

... but I'm stuck. I feel stuck. There's no freedom anymore. Moving back in with parents does that. Megs is the only person I enjoy hanging out with because everyone else... all they want to do is drink and party. But Megs is only available a few nights a week, and our schedules never mesh.

I'm bored. I'm tired. I'm restless, and there's nothing I can do about it. I talk with Carolyn about going and the excitement and she understands. If I bring up New Zealand here, everyone almost makes me feel badly for wanting to go. My dad, it's all about the money and that he has to pay. My mom and other family don't want me to go because they'll "miss me". I just wish I could find something constructive to do that does not involve money. I seriously thought that this time off would be fun and a time to do what I want to do. Instead people keep trying to control me or ignore me and it's frustrating beyond belief.

So, in other news, nothing is happening and I just wish it were January... even though I am scared shitless of leaving.